Have you ever asked yourself the question;

Am I In An Unhealthy Relationship?

In all types of relationships, it is easy to become so involved that one can no longer discern the faults within it. This becomes especially true in the case of a couple relationship. It may be that you are in a co-dependent relationship, where the relationship is more important than you are. It may be that you are in a dysfunctional relationship, where there is always something to 'fix' within the relationship or where you feel diminished or not good enough. What would denote a bad relationship would be one where there is abuse either physically or emotionally.

You need be able to distinguish or at least be aware of signs of an unhealthy relationship. The importance of being able to identify when your relationship is in trouble is paramount, so as to avoid ongoing hurt and pain and the possibility of eventually sustaining emotional damage to your psyche.

 

Indicators that Something Might be Wrong

Most of us know innately if we are in a unhealthy relationship.  It begins with a feeling of doubt that plagues us when we are alone.  However, if you are confused by these feelings then here are a few indicators that will help you recognize your relationship is in trouble:

• You are afraid to share information with partner in fear of an adverse or negative response.  In any type of relationship, communication is always key to proper maintenance. If you fear talking to your partner, take a minute to reflect on why you feel that way and explain it to them as best you can. Don't think you can have a serious conversation? Write them a letter. The point is to make them aware of the issue. Some partners have no idea they are poor communicators and would be more than willing to work towards a more harmonious relationship

• You withhold the truth, paraphrase the truth, or question your partner’s version of the truth. If you find that almost every statement you make to you partner is an equivocation, or you question everything your partner tells you or does, you might have a problem. More often that not, it is the lies you tell yourself that does the most damage. However, often there is always a basis to the displacement of trust. If there was no incident that caused it, ask yourself why you lack the trust and (back to step one) communicate! The worst thing that could happen is that you will find out that your lack of trust was warranted and you will end the relationship. Then again, that might not be a bad thing for some.

• You are no longer able to empathize with your partner’s feelings or emotions, or your partner no longer empathizes with you.  A key to a good relationship is being 'tuned-in' to your partner. The moment you sense something is off, talk to them. Open up the lines of communication and you never know what may come through! These are just a few starting points to recognizing and working through an unhealthy relationship

It is always helpful to know that there are indicators which are a sign that the health level of the relationship is sliding or has hit a plateau. An unhealthy relationship can be saved.

When to Leave

There is no checklist for when to walk away from an unhealthy relationship.  There is no set threshold to look at and say: “Yup, this is past its time.”  If both parties are willing to work together to improve things, with counseling, books, therapy…it shows an investment on both sides to move from what appears to be becoming an unhealthy relationship, towards a functional relationship.  Just as sick people can become well with treatment, unhealthy relationships can become strong and thrive with commitment and caring.  If, however, nothing changes and the relationship is filled with tensions and acrimony like an out of control freight train, it may be best to get out before it hits the wall, hurting everyone involved.

There are unhealthy relationships, and then there are destructive relationships.  Domestic abuse affects one in four women in this country and happens to be the leading cause of death for women 16-35.  Domestic abuse is violent, either verbally or physically.  Abusive relationships are beyond the tag “unhealthy”.  They are dangerous.

The moment you feel threatened, verbally or otherwise, leave. Just like addiction, mental illness is progressive.  Someone who threatens you verbally will eventually act out if the relationship continues.

In Conclusion

An unhealthy relationship requires work. Every relationship struggles at times, it is unrealistic not to have ups and downs. Recognizing cycles and patterns that develop which do not feel comfortable, and taking steps to modify behavior, to seek help, to explore avenues of self development are the hallmarks of maintaining a functional, happy, healthy relationship.